1. "Dance" with your imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever.
2. If the only thing they're serving at the dance is water, get all excited about drinking water.
3. Ask where the steak is.
4. If it's a themed dance, interpret the theme differently. For
example, if it's a 90's themed dance, assume they meant the 1890's, or
that you have to dress like you're 90. Be creative!
5. Till Hammer to as many songs as you can without getting dizzy. Even slow songs. Especially slow songs.
6. When you do get dizzy, do the Gangnam Style dance instead (the Macarena or the Chicken Dance are also acceptable alternatives).
7. If you can, teach the people you're going to the dance with how to actually dance, before the dance takes place.
8. Request that they play all your favorite songs. Or, suggest songs
with inappropriate lyrics. Or, suggest that they play kids music.
9. If all else fails, make clever comments about how much the dance sucks.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Mormon music artists that are actually good (for obvious reasons, Jenny Phillips will NOT be on this list)
Lindsey Stirling
In case you haven’t already heard of her, Lindsey Stirling is that violinist who dances and plays dubstep music in the background. It’s pretty freaking epic. My personal favorite songs are Shatter Me and Phantom of the Opera.
The Piano Guys
Despite what their name suggests, these guys do play instruments other than piano. My personal favorite song is “I Want You Bach” which is a mix of Bach and Jackson 5. I mean, there’s a freaking harpsichord!
The Killers
I don’t have much to say about these guys, except that Brandon Flowers is LDS and that I personally prefer their older music. My favorite song by them is “Mr. Brightside,” although “Somebody Told Me” is pretty awesome, too.
The Aquabats
These guys are epic. And they have their own TV show. My favorite song of theirs is “Martian Girl.” My favorite episode is “The Anti-Bats” because it’s pretty freaking awesome. It was also directed by Gerard Way, who might be my favorite (non-LDS) person ever, and the cast includes Mikey Way, who is pretty awesome as well. But the entire show is awesome, really.
Bonus: Gerard Way and the Hormones
Yeah, I know. Gerard Way isn’t LDS. But Ian Fowles, AKA Eaglebones Falconhawk from The Aquabats is LDS, and he’s part of Gerard’s backing band, The Hormones.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
The church's position on marriage revisited
Since the Supreme Court recently legalized gay marriage in all 50 states, this topic is extremely relevant.
The church has always taught that marriage is between one man and at least one woman, but fairly recently, we decided that marriage between one person and at least one "righteous" inanimate object (e.g. the scriptures) is perfectly acceptable as well. Of course, in order for these marriages to last for eternity, they must be married in the temple. The church is never going to change its position on marriage, even though we stopped practicing polygamy when it became illegal. Now we strongly oppose polygamy and even use it as an example when arguing that legalized gay marriage is a slippery slope. Many people think we hate gay people. That is false, and anyone who says that is trying to censor our righteous opinions. All we want to do is prevent them from being equal to straight couples under the law* because our way is obviously better. But they're trying to take away our religious freedom**, and that's bad.
Author's note(s):
*Personally, I think the government should get out of marriage altogether, but as long as marriage licenses are a thing, I believe gay couples should be included.
**If you disagree with homosexuality for personal or religious reasons, you have the right to your own opinion and you should be able to live according to your beliefs, so long as you do not use violence or force against others. Even though I will criticize your decision, I will not force you to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple.
The church has always taught that marriage is between one man and at least one woman, but fairly recently, we decided that marriage between one person and at least one "righteous" inanimate object (e.g. the scriptures) is perfectly acceptable as well. Of course, in order for these marriages to last for eternity, they must be married in the temple. The church is never going to change its position on marriage, even though we stopped practicing polygamy when it became illegal. Now we strongly oppose polygamy and even use it as an example when arguing that legalized gay marriage is a slippery slope. Many people think we hate gay people. That is false, and anyone who says that is trying to censor our righteous opinions. All we want to do is prevent them from being equal to straight couples under the law* because our way is obviously better. But they're trying to take away our religious freedom**, and that's bad.
Author's note(s):
*Personally, I think the government should get out of marriage altogether, but as long as marriage licenses are a thing, I believe gay couples should be included.
**If you disagree with homosexuality for personal or religious reasons, you have the right to your own opinion and you should be able to live according to your beliefs, so long as you do not use violence or force against others. Even though I will criticize your decision, I will not force you to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
An update on that cartoon about the 90's themed stake dance
If, for some reason, you liked the old one better, the original is still up.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: The Word of Wisdom teaches that tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs are unhealthy. Marijuana is legal in my state. Does that mean the Word of Wisdom allows the use of recreational marijuana?
A: Unfortunately, no. But it will be allowed once marijuana is legal in every state.
Q: I know we shouldn't watch pornography, but is it okay to read pornography?
A: *Facepalm*
Q: I take that as a no.
A: Exactly. Now go burn every copy you can find of Fifty Shades of Grey. Even copies that don't belong to you. Replace them with pamphlets about healthy relationships. NOW.
Q: This is getting awkward. Can we change the subject?
A: Sure.
Q: Does smoking count as breaking the fast?
A: Regardless, you shouldn't be smoking.
Q: Why do people use the term "sacred powers of procreation?"
A: Because they're too prude to say "sex." Next thing we know, they'll talk about the Israelites being delivered out of unusual behavior...
Author's note: Aside from the advice to burn copies of Fifty Shades of Grey that belong to other people, I was actually making a point about something very serious. Although the LDS church teaches that we shouldn't have premarital sex, it is important to know that the most serious problems with pornography are about exploitation and unhealthy messages about consent.
A: Unfortunately, no. But it will be allowed once marijuana is legal in every state.
Q: I know we shouldn't watch pornography, but is it okay to read pornography?
A: *Facepalm*
Q: I take that as a no.
A: Exactly. Now go burn every copy you can find of Fifty Shades of Grey. Even copies that don't belong to you. Replace them with pamphlets about healthy relationships. NOW.
Q: This is getting awkward. Can we change the subject?
A: Sure.
Q: Does smoking count as breaking the fast?
A: Regardless, you shouldn't be smoking.
Q: Why do people use the term "sacred powers of procreation?"
A: Because they're too prude to say "sex." Next thing we know, they'll talk about the Israelites being delivered out of unusual behavior...
Author's note: Aside from the advice to burn copies of Fifty Shades of Grey that belong to other people, I was actually making a point about something very serious. Although the LDS church teaches that we shouldn't have premarital sex, it is important to know that the most serious problems with pornography are about exploitation and unhealthy messages about consent.
Friday, August 29, 2014
What young women want in a husband
What the Young Women want in a husband:
- "Someone with a strong testimony of the gospel. Also, he has to be a returned missionary. Bonus points if he looks like Channing Tatum." --Rachel, age 17, Georgia
- "Someone who doesn't have leprosy." --Janet, age 14, Wisconsin
- "Anyone, as long as he's part of One Direction." --Emma, age 12, Washington
- "I want a husband who isn't addicted to pornography. Unless, of course, it's that Cure album." --Elena, age 16, Oregon
- "I want a husband who respects my privacy. So... working for the NSA is a deal-breaker." --Julie, age 15, Washington DC
- "Anyone, as long as he's LDS." --Ashlee, age 13, Utah
Friday, August 1, 2014
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)