Mormon Boy

You know that "Mormon Righteous Boy" song they sing at Girls Camp? If you aren't familiar with it, the lyrics are as follows:

I know a Mormon boy,

He is my pride and joy

He knows everything from Nephi and down.

Someday I'll be his wife,

We'll have eternal life,

Oh how I love that Mormon boy

 

Anyway, I hated that song so much. I was kind of hoping they'd stop singing it when the word "Mormon" stopped being acceptable, but instead they started singing "Righteous Boy," which is still a victory for Satan as far as I'm concerned. But I digress.

Well, one year, I decided to write alternate lyrics to the song. Originally, I had written a few parodies, but there was no way they would go mainstream because they were either offensive (not, like, racist or anything, but they were somewhat gross and mean-spirited) or contained obscure references. Eventually, with help from one of my church leaders, we came up with something that was funny and not too offensive. I wish I could remember all the lyrics, but there was a verse for every age group. The best line was, "I am a YCL, you all can go to... camp!" It was great, everyone loved it.

Fast forward a few years, and I realized that the song can easily be sung to the tune of "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne, and it actually somewhat improves both songs. The tune is catchy, and the lyrics go from being extremely cringey to only moderately cringey.

Believe, love, and... Rammstein?

Yeah, I know I'm going to hell for this, but whatever.

If Book of Mormon heroes had Instagram

Seriously, what are those things on his uniform? They look like peppermint candies!

All images were made here, hence why all images have 53 likes.

LDS version of Frozen (part five)

For the first time in forever... my Frozen story has been updated! Trust me, even if you have no heart and dislike Frozen, this is a good story.

 
Meanwhile, in Alpine, Harold and others were helping the people in the church, making sure they wouldn't freeze to death. Everyone was thankful for Harold's act of service. Well, everyone except William.
"Harold," said William. "Are we expected to just sit here and freeze while you give away all this nice stuff?"
"Well, the bishop said--"
"Has it ever dawned on you that the bishop could be conspiring against us?"
"Don't question your church leaders! The bishop will not hesitate to excommunicate you!"
"Excommunication? What the--?"
Just then, a church member spoke up.
"I think Ashlee's in trouble!" she said.
"I'll save her!" volunteered Harold. "I need some people to help me, though."
"I volunteer two men!" said William. Then he spoke quietly to his friends. "Be prepared for anything, and should you encounter Eliza, you are to put an end to this winter."

***

After walking through a snow storm, Ashlee, Christopher, Sam, and Elder Olaf arrived at Eliza's ice castle. Eliza was happy to see them, but when Ashlee invited her to come back to church, she refused.
"I'm just trying to protect you!" she said.
"You don't have to protect me! I'm not afraid! Please don't shut me out again!" pleaded Ashlee. Then she began to sing.

Please don't slam the door
You don't have to keep your distance anymore

'Cause for the first time in forever
I finally understand
For the first time in forever
We can fix this hand in hand

We can go to church together
You don't have to live in fear
'Cause for the first time in forever,
I will be right here

Eliza then began to sing.

Ashlee,
Please go back home, you don't have to search.
Go enjoy your religion and open up the church.

"Yeah, but--" said Ashlee, before being interrupted by Eliza.

I know
You mean well, but leave me be
Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Just stay away and you'll be safe from me

Actually we're not, Ashlee tried to tell Eliza.

What do you mean you're not? Eliza responded.

I get the feeling you don't know, Ashlee continued.

What do I not know? Eliza demanded the answer.

The church is in deep, deep, deep, deep snow, Ashlee sang.

"What?" Eliza gasped.
You've kind of set off an eternal winter... everywhere," explained Ashlee. "But you can just un-freeze the place, right?"
"No I can't, I don't know how!"
"Sure you can! I know you can!" Ashlee pleaded.
"I CAN'T!" Eliza screamed, accidentally striking Ashlee through her heart with her ice powers.
Christopher ran over to help Ashley.
"Who is this?" asked Eliza. "Are you going to marry him, too? C'mon, the church doesn't do polygamy anymore, and women never had multiple husbands!"
"We're just friends," said Ashlee.
"Never mind, just get away from here." And with that, she created a giant snow monster, who threw Ashlee, Christopher, and Elder Olaf out of the castle.
"Watch out for my butt!" said Elder Olaf.
"IT IS NOT NICE TO THROW PEOPLE!" yelled Ashlee to the snow monster. Despite Christopher's attempts to calm her down, she threw a snowball at the monster. This only angered the monster, who chased them all until they finally came to a cliff. Christopher tied Ashlee to a rope (which was anchored into the snow) so she could get down safely... hopefully.
"Hey! Where'd you guys go?" called Elder Olaf. "We totally lost Marshmallow over here!"
It turned out that Elder Olaf was wrong and that Marshmallow was right behind him.
"Hey!" said Olaf. "We were just talking about you! All good things, all good things!"
When Ashlee, Christopher, Sam, and Elder Olaf tried to go down using the rope, Marshmallow grabbed the rope.
"DON'T COME BAAAAAAAAACK!" growled Marshmallow.
"We won't," said Ashlee. But maybe the missionaries will, she thought to herself before cutting the rope. Then they fell into the snow.

To be continued... Also, I apologize for the lack of pictures here.

How to have fun at stake dances (without getting drunk or dancing too close to people)

1. "Dance" with your imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever.
2. If the only thing they're serving at the dance is water, get all excited about drinking water.
3. Ask where the steak is.
4. If it's a themed dance, interpret the theme differently. For example, if it's a 90's themed dance, assume they meant the 1890's, or that you have to dress like you're 90. Be creative!
5. Till Hammer to as many songs as you can without getting dizzy. Even slow songs. Especially slow songs.
6. When you do get dizzy, do the Gangnam Style dance instead (the Macarena or the Chicken Dance are also acceptable alternatives).
7. If you can, teach the people you're going to the dance with how to actually dance, before the dance takes place.
8. Request that they play all your favorite songs. Or, suggest songs with inappropriate lyrics. Or, suggest that they play kids music.
9. If all else fails, make clever comments about how much the dance sucks.

Mormon music artists that are actually good (for obvious reasons, Jenny Phillips will NOT be on this list)

Lindsey Stirling

In case you haven’t already heard of her, Lindsey Stirling is that violinist who dances and plays dubstep music in the background. It’s pretty freaking epic. My personal favorite songs are Shatter Me and Phantom of the Opera.

The Piano Guys

Despite what their name suggests, these guys do play instruments other than piano. My personal favorite song is “I Want You Bach” which is a mix of Bach and Jackson 5. I mean, there’s a freaking harpsichord!

The Killers

I don’t have much to say about these guys, except that Brandon Flowers is LDS and that I personally prefer their older music. My favorite song by them is “Mr. Brightside,” although “Somebody Told Me” is pretty awesome, too.

The Aquabats

These guys are epic. And they have their own TV show. My favorite song of theirs is “Martian Girl.” My favorite episode is “The Anti-Bats” because it’s pretty freaking awesome. It was also directed by Gerard Way, who might be my favorite (non-LDS) person ever, and the cast includes Mikey Way, who is pretty awesome as well. But the entire show is awesome, really.

  

Bonus: Gerard Way and the Hormones

Yeah, I know. Gerard Way isn’t LDS. But Ian Fowles, AKA Eaglebones Falconhawk from The Aquabats is LDS, and he’s part of Gerard’s backing band, The Hormones.

The church's position on marriage revisited

Since the Supreme Court recently legalized gay marriage in all 50 states, this topic is extremely relevant.
The church has always taught that marriage is between one man and at least one woman, but fairly recently, we decided that marriage between one person and at least one "righteous" inanimate object (e.g. the scriptures) is perfectly acceptable as well. Of course, in order for these marriages to last for eternity, they must be married in the temple. The church is never going to change its position on marriage, even though we stopped practicing polygamy when it became illegal. Now we strongly oppose polygamy and even use it as an example when arguing that legalized gay marriage is a slippery slope. Many people think we hate gay people. That is false, and anyone who says that is trying to censor our righteous opinions. All we want to do is prevent them from being equal to straight couples under the law* because our way is obviously better. But they're trying to take away our religious freedom**, and that's bad.

Author's note(s):
*Personally, I think the government should get out of marriage altogether, but as long as marriage licenses are a thing, I believe gay couples should be included.
**If you disagree with homosexuality for personal or religious reasons, you have the right to your own opinion and you should be able to live according to your beliefs, so long as you do not use violence or force against others. Even though I will criticize your decision, I will not force you to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple.

An update on that cartoon about the 90's themed stake dance

If, for some reason, you liked the old one better, the original is still up.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: The Word of Wisdom teaches that tea, coffee, alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs are unhealthy. Marijuana is legal in my state. Does that mean the Word of Wisdom allows the use of recreational marijuana?
A: Unfortunately, no. But it will be allowed once marijuana is legal in every state.

Q: I know we shouldn't watch pornography, but is it okay to read pornography?
A: *Facepalm*

Q: I take that as a no.
A: Exactly. Now go burn every copy you can find of Fifty Shades of Grey. Even copies that don't belong to you. Replace them with pamphlets about healthy relationships. NOW.

Q: This is getting awkward. Can we change the subject?
A: Sure.

Q: Does smoking count as breaking the fast?
A: Regardless, you shouldn't be smoking.

Q: Why do people use the term "sacred powers of procreation?"
A: Because they're too prude to say "sex." Next thing we know, they'll talk about the Israelites being delivered out of unusual behavior...


Author's note: Aside from the advice to burn copies of Fifty Shades of Grey that belong to other people, I was actually making a point about something very serious. Although the LDS church teaches that we shouldn't have premarital sex, it is important to know that the most serious problems with pornography are about exploitation and unhealthy messages about consent.

What young women want in a husband

What the Young Women want in a husband:

• "Someone with a strong testimony of the gospel. Also, he has to be a returned missionary. Bonus points if he looks like Channing Tatum." --Rachel, age 17, Georgia
• "Someone who doesn't have leprosy." --Janet, age 14, Wisconsin
• "Anyone, as long as he's part of One Direction." --Emma, age 12, Washington
• "I want a husband who isn't addicted to pornography. Unless, of course, it's that Cure album." --Elena, age 16, Oregon
• "I want a husband who respects my privacy. So... working for the NSA is a deal-breaker." --Julie, age 15, Washington DC
• "Anyone, as long as he's LDS." --Ashlee, age 13, Utah

A little break from that LDS Frozen story...

LDS version of Frozen (part four)

As Ashlee and Christopher were on their journey, they bumped into a snowman.
"I'm Elder Olaf," said the snowman. "And I like to share the gospel."
"Wait," said Ashlee. "Aren't you the snowman that Eliza and I built as kids? Or rather, the snow missionary?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Do you know how to get to the North Mountain?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Do you know where Eliza is?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I'll tell you why," said Christopher. "We need to bring her back to the church."
"Church?" said Olaf. "Oh, I don't know why, but I've always loved the idea of church, and the gospel, and all things spiritual!"

People pray, kids'll brighten up your day,
And I'll be doing whatever snow does
In the church.
A book in my hand, my snow up against the chapel pews.
Prob'ly learning of the good news
In the church.
I'll finally hear that awesome story about Noah's ark and the storm,
And find out what happens to solid water when it gets warm
And I can't wait to be an awesome missionary!
Just imagine how much cooler I'll be
In the church.

Da da, da doo, ah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, boo
The hot and the cold are both so intense
Put 'em together, it just makes sense
Ratdadat, dadadadoo
Outside's a good place if you like getting in trouble.
But put me in the church and I'll be a... happy snowman!

When life gets rough I like to hold onto my dreams
Of relaxing in the summer sun, just letting off steam
Oh, I'll sit in the pew, and you guys'll be there too
When I finally do what frozen things do
In the church!

"I'm gonna tell him that snowmen don't go to church," said Christopher.
"Don't you dare!" said Ashlee. "His eternal salvation could be at stake!"


In the church!

"So come on!" said Elder Olaf. "Let's go to church!"
"Maybe I should have told him that we were also bringing back summer," said Christopher.

LDS version of Frozen (part three)

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight,
Not a footprint to be seen.
A church of isolation,
Where everyone is mean.
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside.
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried!
Don't let them in, don't let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know.
Well, now they know!
Let it go, let it go!
Don't give a crap anymore!
Let it go, let it go!
Can't believe that I just swore!
I don't care
What the Mormons say!
Let the storm rage on,
The hate never bothered me anyway!
It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small!
And the rules that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all!
It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, no rules for me! I'm free!
Let it go, let it go!
I am one with the wind and sky!
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry!
Here I stand,
And here I'll stay!
Let the storm rage on!
I'll never see closed-minded people make a sound!
I'm no longer with these hateful people all around!
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast!
I'm never going back,
The past is in the past!
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone!
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The hate never bothered me anyway!

Meanwhile, Ashlee was driving around in the snow, searching for her sister, when suddenly, her car broke down. Ashlee was forced to walk in the snow while wearing a dress.
Finally, she came across a store.
Wandering Orson's Trading Post and Sauna, read the sign.
"Yoo-hoo!" said Orson. "Big summer blowout!"
"You mean like a poopy diaper?" asked Ashlee. She had heard adults use that word when talking about dirty diapers.
"No, I mean like a sale," he said.
"Okay, that makes more sense," said Ashlee. "But for now, I need boots and a jacket."
"That would be in our winter department," said Orson.
There wasn't much in their winter department, but it turned out to be exactly what Ashlee needed, in her exact clothing size. Ashlee was asking Orson if he had seen Eliza, when suddenly, a man named Christopher walked in. He was tall and muscular, and covered in snow. He said he was headed up to North Mountain. Christopher picked up some supplies and was about to buy them until Orson told him how much it cost. They began to argue about the prices. Orson finally told Christopher that it was Sunday, and he threw him out of the store.
"I'm sorry about this violence," he said to Ashlee. "Just the outfit and the boots, yes?"
Ashlee was able to find Christopher in a stable, with his reindeer, Sam (okay, it was really a dog, but Christopher liked to pretend it was a reindeer). She ordered him to take her up the North Mountain.
"I don't take people places," he groaned. Ashlee threw the supplies at him. "Okay, fine."
"So, Ashlee, what made your sister go all ice crazy?" asked Christopher as they were riding in the car.
"I got engaged, and she got mad because I had just met him that day, and..."
"Wait, you got engaged to someone you just met?" he said. "Has he even gone on a mission?"
"I'm pretty sure he has," said Ashlee.
"But what if you don't like the way he picks his nose? And eats it?"
"Excuse me sir, but he's a civilized human being!"
"All men do it."
"Ewww! Well, it doesn't matter! It's true love!"
"Wait," said Christopher. "I think we're in a bad neighborhood. I see some criminals."
They were able to get away from the criminals, but Christopher's car broke down. Ashlee promised to replace his car and all the belongings.
"I understand if you don't want to help me anymore," said Ashlee.
"Of course I don't want to help her anymore," said Christopher. "In fact, I don't think I'll help anyone ever again."
"She'll die on her own!" he said in the voice he assumed his dog reindeer would use.
"I can live with that."
"But you won't get your new car if she's dead!"
"Sometimes I really don't like you. Hold on! We're coming, Ashlee!"
"You are?" exclaimed Ashlee. "I mean, sure, I'll let you tag along!"

LDS version of Frozen (part two)

Three years later, Ashlee was finally able to convince Eliza to go to a YSA dance with her and her friends. Although Ashlee had still gone to church all those years, she had been isolated for a long time because the gates were closed.
Ashlee had bought a beautiful modest green dress to wear to the dance, and was extremely excited for it because, hey, she could actually be with PEOPLE!

[Ashlee] The window is open, so's that door
I didn't know they did that anymore
Who knew we'd ever get another chance
To actually do something that was fun?
Why were my parents' rules so dumb?
Finally we're going to a dance!
There'll be actual real live people
It'll be totally strange
But wow, am I so ready for this change!
'Cause for the first time in forever
There'll be music, there'll be light
For the first time in forever
I'll be dancing through the night
There will be lots of people
But not just in our ward!
'Cause for the first time in forever
I will not be bored.
I can't wait to meet everyone! [gasp]
What if I meet... the one?
Tonight imagine me at the dance
Dreaming that I'll find romance.
I'll look like I am staring into space!
Ooh! I suddenly see him standing there
A beautiful stranger, tall and fair
I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face
But then we laugh and talk all evening,
Which is totally bizarre
Nothing like the life I've led so far
For the first time in forever
There'll be magic, there'll be fun
For the first time in forever
I could be noticed by someone
And I know it is totally crazy
To dream I'd find romance
But for the first time in forever
At least I've got a chance

Meanwhile, Eliza was in her room, nervous about making a mistake.

[Eliza:] Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know
[Eliza:] But it's only for today
[Ashlee:] It's only for today
[Eliza:] It's agony to wait  
[Ashlee:] It's agony to wait
[Eliza:] Tell the guards to open up the gate
[Ashlee:] The gate
[Ashlee:] For the first time in forever  
[Eliza:] Don't let them in, don't let them see
[Ashlee:] I'm getting what I'm dreaming of  
[Eliza:] Be the good girl you always have to be
[Ashlee:] A chance to meet some awesome people!  
[Eliza:] Conceal
[Ashlee:] A chance to find true love
[Eliza:] Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
[Ashlee:] I know it all ends tomorrow,
So it has to be today
'Cause for the first time in forever
For the first time in forever
Nothing's in my way!

Ashlee was prancing around outside, singing, when suddenly, she ran into a guy on his bicycle and fell on the ground.
"Hey!" she yelled.
"I'm so sorry!" he apologized. "Are you hurt?"
"Hey," she said in a softer tone, noticing that the guy was extremely good-looking. He was tall and handsome with reddish brown hair and dreamy eyes.
"Oh, I should introduce myself. I'm Harold and I'm visiting from Salt Lake!"
"I'm Ashlee, and I'm from Alpine!"
"Well, this is awkward," she said. "Not that you're awkward, just that we're awkward. I'm awkward; you're gorgeous. Wait, what?"
Suddenly, the alarm on Ashlee's phone went off.
"I've got to go to the YSA dance," said Ashlee. "Bye!"
At the YSA dance, Ashlee and Eliza were socializing when a geeky guy named William asked them to dance.
"Thank you, only I don't dance," said Eliza. Then she pointed to Ashlee. "But my sister does."
While doing crazy dance moves, William asked nosy questions about why the castle gates were shut. You know, because that's totally not weird.
"Are you okay, Ashlee?" Eliza asked after the song was over.
"I've never been better!" said Ashlee. "This is so nice! I wish it could be like this all the time!"
"Me too," said Eliza. "But it can't."
"Why not?"
"It just can't."
"Excuse me," said Ashlee. She slowly walked through the gymnasium, until suddenly she bumped into Harold.
Harold and Ashlee began to dance. They spent the evening talking.
"So, you have how many brothers?" asked Ashlee.
"Twelve older brothers," answered Harold.
"Wow!" exclaimed Ashlee. "Most LDS people stop after having ten kids!"
"I know! Two of them pretended I was invisible for two years, but I guess that's what brothers do."
"And sisters. Eliza and I used to be really close, but then one day, she just shut me out, and I never knew why."
Harold held Ashlee's hand.
"I would never shut you out," he said.
"Okay, can I just say something crazy?" exclaimed Ashlee.
"I love crazy!"
They began to sing about how much the past sucked and how perfect they were for each other. Then, Harold asked Ashlee to marry him. Of course, Ashlee said yes.
When Ashlee told Eliza the news, Eliza responded coldly.
"You can't marry a man you just met," she said.
"You can if it's true love!" insisted Ashlee.
"Ashlee, you'll be with him for eternity. And what do you know about true love?"
"More than you! All you know is how to shut people out!"
"Ooh, burn!" said some bystanders.
"I'm leaving," said Eliza.

"Eliza, please, I can't live like this anymore! Not for eternity!" pleaded Ashlee.
"Then leave," Eliza said coldly.
"What did I ever do to you? Why do you shut everyone out? What are you so afraid of?"
"I said enough!" shouted Eliza. At that moment, part of the gymnasium turned to ice. Eliza ran off, mortified.
"And all because she wanted to marry me," groaned Harold.
Ashlee tried to follow Eliza, but it was no use. She asked Harold to take care of everyone while she went to look for her sister.

LDS version of Frozen (part one)

Once upon a time, there were two sisters named Eliza and Ashlee. And I mean actual sisters, not Sister missionaries or anything like that. They were also really rich and they lived in a castle (they weren't princesses, though; they lived in Alpine, Utah). Anyway, they were very close, and they liked to build snowmen. There was a twist, though: Eliza had magical powers that allowed her to control ice and snow. But then something happened. Eliza and Ashlee were at church in the middle of the night because their parents were doing important things there. They got bored, so Eliza used her magic to make it snow inside the Primary room. They had a lot of fun playing in the snow and building snowmen until Eliza accidentally froze Ashlee's brain.
"Mommy, Daddy!" cried Eliza.
"Eliza, what did you just do?" yelled her father, the king.
"It was an accident," said Eliza.
They went to their home teachers (who were also trolls), who erased Ashlee's memories of magic. The trolls showed Eliza a vision of her being killed by an angry mob, saying "fear will be your enemy."
Eliza and Ashlee's parents then had the most amazing idea (that was sarcastic): they would close the castle gates and lock Eliza in a room until she could control her magic. They isolated her from everyone, including Ashlee, and discouraged Eliza going to church.
Every Sunday, Ashlee would knock on Eliza's door and invite her to Primary.

Do you wanna go to Primary?
Come on let's go and pray
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It's like you've gone away.
We used to be best buddies
And now we're not
I wish you would tell me why!
Do you wanna go to Primary?
You don't have to be in the program...

"Go away, Ashlee," Eliza always said sadly.

Okay, bye.

This went on for many years. Ashlee got bored, but she continued to remain optimistic.

Do you wanna go to church now?
Or Mutual on Wednesday night?
I think some company is overdue
I've started talking to
Those pictures of the Nephites!
(Hang in there, Captain Moroni!)
It gets a little lonely
All these empty rooms,

Just watching the hours tick by.

Then a terrible thing happened. When Ashlee was a Mia Maid and when Eliza would've just graduated from Young Women's, their parents died in a plane crash.
After going to her parents' funeral, Ashlee knocked on Eliza's door.

Eliza?
Please, I know you're in there,
People are asking where you've been
They say "be loving," and I'm trying to
I'm right out here for you, just let me in
I'm going to get the missionaries.
I promise they're nice.
Maybe they can help you.

Do you wanna go to church now?

As Ashlee said those words, Eliza was mourning the death of her parents. Eliza knew her parents would want her to stay in her room where she couldn't hurt anyone rather than attend their funeral and possibly hurt someone.

Things that are only okay to read about in the scriptures

1. Swearing. And I don't just mean saying "ass" instead of "donkey." Read 1 Kings 21:21 and you'll get what I mean...
2. Violence. Seriously, Coriantumr cutting of Shiz's head? And Shiz's body was still moving? Gross. (For reference, read Ether 15:31)
3. Sex. There's some pretty disturbing sexual stuff in the Bible, and not just in the Song of Solomon.
4. Alcohol. To be fair, though, that was better than them drinking dirty water...

You can only read about these things if you're reading the scriptures. Any other media with this content is evil. Stay away from all these things, especially sexual content. Maybe we can tolerate violence, though... or anything else, if the media is otherwise entertaining.

How to be an awesome YW leader

1. Don't kill anyone.
2. Have a good sense of humor.
3. Be compassionate and understanding.
4. Tell great stories. They can be funny or inspirational, but they can't be boring.
5. Always bring treats when you're teaching the lesson. Of course, all YW leaders should do that.
6. If you happen to see that guy that one of the girls in your class has a crush on, try to take pictures of him without getting caught.
7. Consider sending letters to their favorite celebrities convincing them that maybe they should meet them or ask them to prom.
8. Dress up like Robert Smith.
9. Be willing to talk about Frozen.
10. Be accepting.

Happy (belated) birthday to my awesome YW leader! And yes, she either does or has done all of those things... or at least attempted to do them.

I JUST BOUGHT PORNOGRAPHY

The Cure album, I mean. Do I still need to repent?

Letters and stuff...

"When I was thirteen, I was really emo. I hated the church. In fact, I hated everything except for My Chemical Romance. What I didn't realize was that My Chemical Romance is evil. At least, I didn't realize that until the day that this guy tried to kill me. I thought My Chemical Romance was going to save my life, but instead, 4 Teh Chum of Youth saved me! Thank you so much for creating this awesome magazine." --Olivia, age 17, New York

"Hey, don't insult My Chemical Romance! Remember that awesome Aquabats episode that wouldn't be possible without Gerard and Mikey? Christian Jacobs is LDS. Is he a sinner for working with the Way brothers?" --Lyn-Z Way's sister wife, age 15, California

"Do you want to build a snowman?" --Anna, age 18, Arendelle

"Too late, I already built one without you!" --Elsa, age 21, Arendelle

My favorite scriptures

Warning: This post contains some swearing, but it's all in the scriptures, so it's okay. Right?

• 1 Kings 21:21 (Look it up)
• Alma 52:28-29, 36 "And now behold, when the chief captains of the Lamanites had beheld Lehi with his army coming against them, they fled in much confusion, lest perhaps they should not obtain the city Mulek before Lehi should overtake them; for they were wearied because of their march, and the men of Lehi were fresh. Now the Lamanites did not know that Moroni had been in their rear with his army; and all they feared was Lehi and his men. ...  And Lehi pressed upon their rear with such fury with his strong men, that the Lamanites in the rear delivered up their weapons of war; and the remainder of them, being much confused, knew not whither to go or to strike."
• Ether 1:7 "Coriantor was the son of Moron."
• Exodus 20:17 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s."
• Mosiah 12:5 "Yea, and I will cause that they shall have burdens lashed upon their backs; and they shall be driven before like a dumb ass."
• Also, all the scriptures that have hidden emoticons. Like John 2:9 "When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,"
• All the verses in Exodus about shittum wood.