Letters and stuff...

"When I was thirteen, I was really emo. I hated the church. In fact, I hated everything except for My Chemical Romance. What I didn't realize was that My Chemical Romance is evil. At least, I didn't realize that until the day that this guy tried to kill me. I thought My Chemical Romance was going to save my life, but instead, 4 Teh Chum of Youth saved me! Thank you so much for creating this awesome magazine." --Olivia, age 17, New York

"Hey, don't insult My Chemical Romance! Remember that awesome Aquabats episode that wouldn't be possible without Gerard and Mikey? Christian Jacobs is LDS. Is he a sinner for working with the Way brothers?" --Lyn-Z Way's sister wife, age 15, California

"Do you want to build a snowman?" --Anna, age 18, Arendelle

"Too late, I already built one without you!" --Elsa, age 21, Arendelle

My favorite scriptures

Warning: This post contains some swearing, but it's all in the scriptures, so it's okay. Right?

• 1 Kings 21:21 (Look it up)
• Alma 52:28-29, 36 "And now behold, when the chief captains of the Lamanites had beheld Lehi with his army coming against them, they fled in much confusion, lest perhaps they should not obtain the city Mulek before Lehi should overtake them; for they were wearied because of their march, and the men of Lehi were fresh. Now the Lamanites did not know that Moroni had been in their rear with his army; and all they feared was Lehi and his men. ...  And Lehi pressed upon their rear with such fury with his strong men, that the Lamanites in the rear delivered up their weapons of war; and the remainder of them, being much confused, knew not whither to go or to strike."
• Ether 1:7 "Coriantor was the son of Moron."
• Exodus 20:17 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s."
• Mosiah 12:5 "Yea, and I will cause that they shall have burdens lashed upon their backs; and they shall be driven before like a dumb ass."
• Also, all the scriptures that have hidden emoticons. Like John 2:9 "When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,"
• All the verses in Exodus about shittum wood.

Dating advice (after you're sixteen, dummy!)

 Date ideas: 

• Create a murder mystery themed activity. The best part is that you get to murder your date.
• Go to a strip club or a nude beach so you can practice having pure thoughts despite living in a world where you're bombarded with inappropriate stuff.
• Cook chili. You'll be passing gas all night.
• Go grocery shopping. It's so boring that no one will pressure you to break the law of chastity.
• Watch old church movies and make fun of them.
• Go to church. Of course, you should also do this before you're sixteen.
• Have a three-course meal... at McDonald's.
• Spend time planning other date ideas. Choose the stupidest ideas.
• Kill people and donate the blood to Dracula. Hey, it's an act of service, right?
• Go to Utah (if you don't already live there)
• Go to a steakhouse for dinner, and then go to a stake dance.
• Visit the zoo with all the stinky animals.

Note: These ideas are only good ideas if you're in a group.

Bad analogy in a Mormonad

Remember that Mormonad in the February 2014 issue of the New Era? If you're too busy to click on the link, the text reads:
"Dating or forming a relationship before you’re 16 is like riding a roller coaster without a safety strap. It’s a dangerous track that’s just not worth the risk."
That's a stupid analogy. Dating before you're 16 is more like riding a roller coaster when you haven't reached the minimum height.

Funny story

My aunt was telling me that there was a woman at her church who thought that vegetables that grew in the dark were of the devil because the Bible says that God is light and all that.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why don't you use electricity?
A: Um... I'm using electricity right now... or else I wouldn't be able to answer this question!

Q: Name some LDS music artists.
A: That's not technically a question, but there's The Aquabats, Lindsey Stirling, The Killers, and Jenny Phillips! We're really sorry about Jenny Phillips.

Q: Do you all write romance novels about vampires?
A: Hey! Don't judge us because one Mormon wrote Twilight!

Q: Why don't you have a boyfriend?
A: Because Gerard Way is already taken.

Q: Why don't you drink alcohol?
A: Because I'm a minor.

Q: Why don't you swear?
A: I effing do! (Actually, I don't. I just wanted to say that.)

Q: Why do you hate gay people?
A: I don't! What gives you that dumb idea?

Q: Aren't you morally against loud music?
A: No, but there are some people in the church who are.

Q: Do you think carrots are of the devil?
A: No, but there was one idiot who thought that.

If any of you like The Cure...

I was having an interview with the bishop, and I said that I was addicted to The Cure's album, Pornography. Yeah, that was a bad idea.