Funny story

My aunt was telling me that there was a woman at her church who thought that vegetables that grew in the dark were of the devil because the Bible says that God is light and all that.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why don't you use electricity?
A: Um... I'm using electricity right now... or else I wouldn't be able to answer this question!

Q: Name some LDS music artists.
A: That's not technically a question, but there's The Aquabats, Lindsey Stirling, The Killers, and Jenny Phillips! We're really sorry about Jenny Phillips.

Q: Do you all write romance novels about vampires?
A: Hey! Don't judge us because one Mormon wrote Twilight!

Q: Why don't you have a boyfriend?
A: Because Gerard Way is already taken.

Q: Why don't you drink alcohol?
A: Because I'm a minor.

Q: Why don't you swear?
A: I effing do! (Actually, I don't. I just wanted to say that.)

Q: Why do you hate gay people?
A: I don't! What gives you that dumb idea?

Q: Aren't you morally against loud music?
A: No, but there are some people in the church who are.

Q: Do you think carrots are of the devil?
A: No, but there was one idiot who thought that.

If any of you like The Cure...

I was having an interview with the bishop, and I said that I was addicted to The Cure's album, Pornography. Yeah, that was a bad idea.

Chivalry at its finest

(Credit goes to my brother for coming up with this idea.)

Choosing good media

Q: My friend and I want to do something, but we're not sure if we should watch Grease or go to a heavy metal concert. What should we do?
A: Watch Grease. Definitely. Loud music is of the devil. So-called "Christian" metal doesn't exist. A true Christian would not listen to or compose such Satanic music. Grease, on the other hand, is very uplifting. The music is catchy,* and it's about a girl who tries to change herself so she can be with some idiot guy. Guys also view women as sex objects and unpopular kids are made fun of. Isn't that inspiring?

*The music actually is pretty good. But the message sucks.

Pros and cons about the new issue of the New Era (a slightly more serious post)

 Pros:

• There was an article that didn't use the term "sacred powers of procreation" or anything along those lines when referring to sex. I know that's kind of a weird thing to be glad about, but I've always hated that term...
• Some funny cartoons and stuff ("My mom's allergic to dogs, so I had to eat my own homework")

Cons:

• They wrote an article that was basically implying that loud music is bad for you. Um, yeah. Because it's worse to listen to a loud song with inspiring lyrics than a softer song with offensive lyrics. I'm a Mormon, and I like heavy metal and other loud rock music.* I'll write more about this later...
• All that "For the Strength of Youth" crap... ugh.

 *In fact, Psalm 150:5 says: "Praise Him upon the loud cymbals: praise Him upon the high sounding cymbals," and in Psalm 150:4 it says, "praise Him with stringed instruments and organs." Which can mean electric guitars and drums. So that means the Bible supports heavy metal!

A more accurate portrayal of the Young Men...

Pretty much.